The Kitchen is No Place For Fooling Around
by Oro-han
Summary: Set back in their high school days, Gladio reflects on what kind of person Ignis is as he watches him patiently try to teach Prompto one of his recipes.
1. Chapter 1

Even after years of friendship one thing Gladiolus just couldn't get used to was Ignis's sense of humor. His own was direct and obvious, nothing you'd have to put too much thought into to understand. Ignis's, however, was something entirely different. He would say something you'd really have to think about, something you'd have to be paying attention to to get, or referencing something he'd read in a book once so you'd go around not knowing any better until slowly you realized you'd been insulted.

"The method is very simple, honestly, the task can seem daunting until you get your hands around it." That was a great set up for an easy joke, but it wasn't like Ignis to take the obvious jokes. Hell, it had taken months after they met for Gladio to even figure out Ignis had a sense of humor. "In order to cook this correctly you only need a vew simple tools and some patience."

"Okay," Prompto nodded taking notes, he'd asked for some help on simple ideas for dinner, apparently pretty conscious of what he was eating. Gladio was just here for the free food and see how long until Ignis decided Prompto was a lost cause. "I'm going to take a few pictures so I don't forget anything."

"You're wasting your time with him." Noctis said not looking up from his phone, he had volunteered his kitchen for this experiment, mostly because the only person who used the kitchen was Ignis anyway.

"We'll see about that." He dismissed Noctis, "First start with the onion, after it's peeled you want to mince it." He explained as he demonstrated. "Keep your fingers curled like so, lest you lose one."

Ignis liked to go along with things when he was the butt of a joke, rolling with it until he found a way to flip it back on whoever thought they could get the best of him. It was like laying a trap, all carefully planned out and hidden so you'd walk straight into it like everything was fine, then bam, he's got you.

"For cutting raw meat you want to use a different board, there's risk of contaminating other food if you use the same cutting board for everything, so it's best to keep them separate." He washed things as he went, so there was less clean up at the end, and he let Prompto try his hand at every step. "I also prefer to use separate knives as well, but that's not entirely necessary."

"I think he just likes his knives." Noctis threw in, indicating he was paying more attention than his eyes glued to his cell phone would indicate.

"Nothing wrong with taking pride in one's tools." Ignis said smoothly. He said everything smoothly, no matter how embarrassing a person might find it to say, or how hard it might be for someone to hear. He never missed a beat, and always took the time to explain things so people would understand them.

"When you're following a recipe for the first time, it's best not to change too much, just go by what's written. As you learn how each ingredient changes the flavor you will know where to make adjustments to get the taste you're looking for." They were working from one of Ignis's own recipes, so there would be no adjusting in this lesson.

"Got it," Prompto measured everything under the scrutiny of Ignis's ever watchful eye. Prompto seemed so careless sometimes, and Ignis so careful, but somehow Gladio didn't find it strange that they got along half as well as they did. Though, maybe Prompto was still a little intimidated by anyone not Noct.

At first Ignis seemed very serious and straightforward, all business and no play sort of guy. Gladio respected that, anyone who took so much pride in his work had to be a good guy. It was nice finding out he had hobbies, and getting him into video games had been pretty easy too. He had a good memory and attention to detail, but knew how to keep a secret. Honestly, if you could get him to warm up to you, he was a friend worth keeping around by any standard.

"Really, that's all you need?" Prompto sounded shocked as they moved onto the actually-cooking-things-with-fire part of the lesson.

"You don't need a lot of oil in the pan, when stir frying. I find that many people over pour and it leaves for a heavy greasy meal."

Gladio was good at reading people, but Ignis had mastered this unaffected calm that let him surprise just about anyone. So far those surprises had mostly all been pleasant ones, and happen to both be working in the castle and about the same age turned out to be a solid friendship.

"Oh man, this is way harder than it looks." Prompto's attempts at stir frying in the wok left something to be desired.

"You're doing fine. It takes practice to get the technique down, just make sure you don't burn anything for the time being."

Then there was his other type of humor, one that Gladio dreaded more than the first kind. He also never saw it coming, not just because of that calm, but also because it was just so against what anyone expected it came as a horrific shock every time.

"Don't turn up the heat, it won't serve any purpose but to cause the food to burn. You need patience and a watchful eye, and I know you have at least one of those thing." He instructed, correcting Prompto's attempts at speeding the process along. "You can't take shortcuts when cooking, that's just a recipe for disaster."

There was a thump as Noct's forehead made contact with the counter top, and Prompto just stared at Ignis like he's been slapped.

Gladio just shook his head, and tried to forget he'd heard anything.

Gods did Ignis love his bad puns.


	2. Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

"Do you think Iggy likes his knives because he likes cooking, or he likes cooking because he likes his knives?" Prompto asked Noctis as they watched Ignis sharpening his knives with a single mindedness that made them both a little uncomfortable.

"I hope it's the first one." Noctis admitted, not wanting to consider the implications of the second.

"Yeah, me too." Prompto agreed as the steady grinding of the blade over the sharpening stone filled the apartment. "It's more comforting to think he spends all that time making sure his knives are sharp for the sake of cooking, than him just cooking because he really likes sharp things."

"You two are aware," Ignis didn't look up from his work, "that I can hear you?"

Noctis shot Prompto a glare, "Just ignore us."

"Normally I would, but you seem quite curious." Ignis paused to inspect his work, examining the blade. "If you're not _sharp_ enough to figure it out, why not just _cut_ to the chase and ask? It's not so _pointed_ a question that it will _cleave_ our friendship apart."

"I just remembered I need to go home." Prompto stood up.

Noctis followed. "I'll walk you, we can eat out or something."

Ignis wore a very self satisfied smirk.

* * *

Prompto was out of his seat belt, sitting on his knees snapping pictures as the car flew down the road. The weather was clear, they had a good view of the Disk from here, and he'd just gotten a new filter that he had to try out on everything.

"Prompto, I know we've had this discussion before, and that physics was never your favorite class in school, but need I remind you what happens if I have to stop suddenly and you are not properly buckled in?" Ignis was constantly chastising someone about their behavior in the car. Noctis liked to sit up on the back seat from time to time, and Gladiolus had a bad habit of putting his feet up on the upholstery while reading.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll keep moving and fly to my death." Prompto had the camera glued to his face, taking in the world through the viewfinder. "Just a few more shots and I promise I'll sit down and be good."

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Sit down _now_." Ignis's voice was firm and left no room for arguments.

With a heavy sigh Prompto dropped back into his seat and fastened the safety belt. "Could we at least pull over so I can take some pictures then?"

"I suppose if we find a _picture_ sque spot we can give it a _shot_."

Prompto groaned and proceeded to hit his head against the headrest in an attempt to forget.

* * *

It was late in the day, and they should have already been making camp or in the relative safety of a nearby rest area, but fate had other plans for them this evening.

An Empire ship had dropped a rather large and imposing magitech mech on them, and they were struggling to keep their ground against it. The thing seemed nearly invincible to anything they could throw at it, and Noctis's magic was all but useless. So they were going with the good old fashioned method of hitting it until it stopped moving.

They'd been at it for hours already though, and nearly lost a dozen times in the process, but they had it down, one of the legs taken out. They just needed a final push to get it off line.

"Ignis," Noct yelled, between warp strikes at various points on the mech. "Instructions."

He had identified a weak spot in the chassis that could be the key to victory, he pointed to it. "Give it everything we have."

Several intense moments later and there was the satisfying sound of the machine going offline, and more importantly it's machine guns spinning down.

Prompto collapsed onto the ground, sitting in the dirt with his head back and eyes closed. "I need a bath and a bed."

"You and me both." Noctis agreed, hands on knees as he tried to catch his breath.

"We gotta get back to the car first, let's go." Gladiolus dropped his sword, it disappeared before it cleared his finger tips.

They trekked back to the car, climbing in and collapsing into their seats, but before Ignis could start the engine there was an ominous tearing sound from a few yards in front of them.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Prompto sounded like he was about to cry.

"Just throw it in reverse, Iggy, we still have enough time to get out of here." Gladiolus watched as huge hands began clawing from the hole in the ground. The engine revved to life in response, headlights cutting through the darkness to show the deamon materializing before them.

Ignis slammed the gear shift into reverse, tires kicking up dust as the car whipped around and he put it back into drive. "This day is driving me mad."

"Ignis please, not now!" Gladiolus shouted as a giant fiery sword crashed down where they had been a moment before, the ground shaking enough to feel in the moving car.


End file.
